Playing Favorites

We are all drawn to different types of people. Our personalities simply mesh with some and not others. It is how we form our peer groups, how we end up with our spouse, and how great teams are made. Coach/athlete relationships are the same way. What one coach dislikes about a player's personality, another coach may love. Sometimes there is just the dynamic that you understand one another. It is why some athletes love playing for a particular coach while other athletes would rather have nothing to do with them. Do not feel guilty if you have athletes you mesh with better than others. It is natural. When it becomes a problem is when everyone else can see you have favorites. One athlete should never get preferential treatment over another.

Some coaches are more obvious about who their favorite athletes are. Signs to look for:

1. Feedback- Is one athlete getting corrections and positive feedback every time they do something while other athletes are receiving minimal or no feedback at all?

2. Playing Time- Is one athlete always sitting on the bench while another athlete never has a seat? (assuming both athletes are of comparable talent)

3. Being "pulled" from the game- A young athlete may believe the coach does not like them if they make a mistake and get taken out of the game especially if another player makes the same mistake and not taken out.

4. Expectation Level- Here is an example. Both athletes are told to do 20 burpees. One athlete only does 18, is caught by the coach, and has to start over. The other "favorite" athlete only does 18, the coach sees, and nothing is said and there is no consequence.

5. Politics- "Players, along with parents, will do whatever it takes to seek their coach’s attention. Whether it’s buying gifts, giving compliments, or helping out the coach, athletes tend to focus more on the game of who can be coach’s favorite rather than playing the other team. This can easily ruin the athletes’ bonds with each other. It creates conflict and tension between them causing their attention to turn towards something besides the game. What athletes should be focused on is being a team player and overall performance rather than worrying about how the coach personally feels about them." (Alli Gray)

Politics should never be a part of any extra curricular activity, but the "pay to play" trend is becoming all too common in any activity your child may choose. Participation, competition, and equipment fees are sometimes too expensive for families. Add the idea you will only get to play if your coach/instructor is payed extra is a burden many cannot handle. The cost is their child misses out. This then increases the size of the socioeconomic gap that already exists in youth sports.

If we are being honest here I would say most coaches have "favorite" athletes. What coach doesn't want to to work with the athlete who is always on time, never misses practice, stays focused, works hard, has natural athletic ability, a great attitude, and does everything you ask them to do and then some? I mean really? Do these athletes exist? Of course they do and these athletes are the outliers. They are wonderful to work with, but even if another athlete does not possess all of these qualities, they can be just as wonderful. Over the years I learned I would much rather work with an athlete who tries hard and has a positive attitude, than work with the super talented athlete who thinks he/she can be lazy. Humility is a great attribute for any talented athlete.

Every athlete can and will teach you something if you allow them to. Some will teach you patience, some will teach you humility, some will teach you success is not always what we think it is. The secret to coaching is letting every athlete/coach relationship be what it is, instead of trying to force it to be what you want it to be. Each one has it's own lesson if you are open to it.