Choice vs. Forced

Quitting a sport if difficult. Most athletes reach a crossroads in their career where they have to decide to keep pushing forward or retire. They have to weigh the pros and cons and try to decide what is best for them and their situation. For some, it becomes very clear and they know in their heart it is time to be done. For others, it is a seesaw of back and forth trying to determine which path to take.

At age 16 I decided it was time for me to retire from gymnastics. Like many teens, I learned there was a whole new world out there and I wanted to experience more of it. I was tired of training six or seven days a week and my body was hurting. Somewhere along the way, gym had become a habit and was no longer a passion. I started gym when I was four and had never known anything else. My retirement did not last very long. My grades had slipped, I had no structure, and I did not know what to do with myself. Quite simply, I was not myself without it. Looking back, I think I felt incomplete. I spoke with my coaches and I was allowed to return to training. I came back with a better attitude and more desire to succeed. I was doing gym for me, for my love of the sport, and for what I believed were the right reasons.

Shortly after my return my back started hurting again. This was nothing new, but the pain was bad enough to take a trip to my orthopedic doctor. This particular appointment changed my life. Sounds dramatic doesn't it? It was dramatic for me. I went in with the assumption I would be told to take it easy or the standard, "don't do things that hurt." Fine, I could handle both of those scenarios, but what I was not expecting was the doctor to tell me I should never do gym again. It was not a suggestion, but a matter of fact statement. My whole world shifted.

Regardless of choosing to retire or being forced to, it changes who you are in some pretty profound ways. You lose a little bit of who you are because you are no longer "the gymnast" and that is how people labeled you before. I really struggled. I became a different version of who I once was. I spent my time before school and during lunch in the school library instead of talking to other students or being social. This was long before cell phones so I lost touch with my teammates and closest friends. I felt horribly lost and terribly sad. My identity, who I believed I was, had been taken from me and I no longer knew where I fit in or if I did?

There are fundamental differences to look at when you focus on choice vs. forced. When you choose, you have a say or ownership in that choice. You have the opportunity to take your time and look at the reasons behind how you got to this point. There may be outside circumstances that must be considered like grades slipping or family issues. If it is a coach issue, you have the opportunity to address that or even find a new program to be a part of. I have had many of my former gymnasts tell me they regret retiring when they did, but at the time, it was what they felt was the best decision, and I supported them. Even if you make the choice to retire, you will likely still have feelings of loss and there will definitely be an adjustment period. Hopefully, you are comfortable in your decision, can use those life lessons, and are able to move forward with your next adventure.

An athlete who experiences forced retirement often times experiences feelings of loss, identity issues, and struggle with depression (NCAA.org). When something you love is taken away without your consent, it hurts. There are feelings of failure because goals were never achieved and dreams did not come to fruition. It is important parents, coaches, and athletes understand these are normal responses and should be addressed. Many athletes are reluctant to admit they need help or that they are hurting whether it be physically or mentally. For some reason, the mental recovery process of an injury is sometimes ignored, but it should be just as much of a focus as the physical recovery process. Don't let it go unnoticed.

The "post gymnastics" world was very scary for me. As I mentioned before, I was very lost. I was also very angry and sad. I did not deal with the loss of my sport in a very healthy way and it took me a long time to move on. I refused to have anything to do with the sport of gymnastics for 8 years. It took me that long to separate the actual sport from the circumstances of my retirement. When I finally stepped foot in the gym, I was able to share my love of the sport through coaching for twenty years. Retiring from coaching has been equally as difficult, but it is time for me to use all those life lessons I learned all those years ago to move on to my own new adventure.