In the Fishbowl

The Monday morning quarterback... the one who second guesses or passes judgement from a position of hindsight. Countless numbers of people make their living on radio and television shows second guessing what choices a coach, politician, or entertainer make. We are hit daily with a barrage of opinions on social media with people questioning everything about our personal and professional lives.

When coaching, you have to be careful with what you say and what you do in and out of practice or competition. You have to maintain boundaries while still developing trust in the athlete and parents. I would be very careful posting on social media about going out, drinking, and any behavior a parent may deem undesirable for their children to see. It is absolutely your choice if you post those things, but then you may want to consider choosing not to be "friends" with parents in your program. All it takes is one angry parent to go from friend to enemy if you do something they do not like in a practice or game. That once funny post can then be used as a means to discredit you or question your character.

When you are dealing with two things of great importance to a parent, their children and their money, you have to expect to be questioned from time to time. I believe I was fortunate to have coached a sport not every mom or dad participated in when they were young. Very rarely, in gymnastics, did I get a parent come in and tell me how to coach a certain skill or correct my training techniques. I cannot imagine coaching a baseball team where every dad played when they were young and then think they now more than you do (and like to point it out).

Truth is, coaching is sort of like being in a fishbowl. Parents are constantly watching you and evaluating you. It can be unnerving at times because you find yourself focusing on things other than actually coaching. I had a parent tell me her child got two less turns than another child in her group one day at practice. Let me be clear, I did not sit and count how many times each athlete did one skill. If I said, "go around to each station five times" then my expectation was for them to actually go around five times. I expected them to take some responsibility for their practice. After the parent pointed this out, I found myself more concerned with the number of turns each athlete took vs. the quality of turns they took. That was not okay. I had to come to terms with the idea some athletes will skip a turn and some will take an extra. In the end, it will show up in their performance and though the parent may not be pleased, it is a direct reflection of effort.

My kids always want my husband and I at their practices. I don't mind, but there are certainly other things I could be doing instead of sitting there. It is important to them, so it is important to us. There are times I sit with my headphones on or read while I am at practice. It is not because I dislike listening to the coaches. I don't want the coaches to think I am judging their every word. On the flip side, sometimes I will just listen to a coach. I will literally close my eyes and listen less to what they are actually saying and more to how they are saying it and in what tone. There are fantastic coaches out there who really know what they are doing yet, I would never let my kids play for them. It is not worth seeing my kid in tears every practice because they are scared of getting yelled at or in trouble. Will they get in trouble sometimes? Yes. Do they need to be beat down and degraded? No.

Some coaches have their "in practice" coaching style and their "competition" coaching style. Typically, the "in practice" coach is harder on the athletes. They yell more, punish more, make degrading comments, and will even ignore the athlete. Their other coaching personality comes out at a game or a competition. They present a caring, supportive self to the outside world with the idea everyone will think they are wonderful. Coaches, if you find you are one of those who presents differently depending on the situation, take a look at why. What are you doing in practice you think is not okay for the world to see?

We have all done things we are not proud of. We've all said things to our athletes and our own children we wish we could take back. I know I learned a lot from parents and kids telling me how something I said made them feel. In this world of emails and texts, messages can be easily misunderstood. Even in person the wrong inference can be made. It took me many years to learn how to really speak to parents and athletes as a coach. Sometimes you can joke and sometimes you cannot. Sometimes you think you are joking, but the child or parent takes it differently. Know your audience to eliminate as many misunderstandings as you can.

The Monday morning quarterbacking is not going away. As parents we have to be careful we are not questioning every single thing the coach is doing. As coaches we have to be open to some questions when they come our way. As athletes we have to trust our coaches and parents have our best interests in mind, but it is okay to voice our opinion as well. In this crazy world we live in, everyone wants to comment on everything. Hang in there friends and try to work together as a unit with one common goal.