It's Not Their Fault

We have all seen it. That perfect spiral out of the quarterback's hand right to the wide open wide receiver when DOINK the ball hits him in the numbers and then falls to the ground. Fans from all over are screaming in their living rooms in frustration, but you know there is someone out there saying, "Well, bless his heart. He must not have slept well last night." Of course this is a little exaggerated, but I am willing to bet we all know a parent or two who believe everything their child does is perfect and any mistake is not their fault. I admit it, I have made excuses for my own kids plenty of times. I have made excuses for my athletes as well. It is a natural reaction because want to defend those we care about and take away any negativity about them. The sad thing is, we are doing our kids a disservice if we do not allow them to take responsibility for their actions. As soon as we make excuses for our athletes or children, they miss out on an opportunity to possibly learn an important lesson.

The famous UCLA coach John Wooden said, "You are not a failure until you start to blame." Parents, we have to be careful. We cannot teach our kids to cover up their mistakes by encouraging them to blame a fellow teammate or coach. Yes, there are times when another player or coach makes a mistake and it effects your child, but that is a life lesson in itself. The parent who is constantly blaming any child other than their own can cause division on a team quickly and be sure they are talking about your child when you are not around. You never know who you are sitting by in the stands or in the waiting room. Know what you say will almost always get back to the parents of the child you are speaking of or to the coaches. When you are confronted, you will then have your own opportunity to be accountable for your behavior.

Coaches, we have to take responsibility for our athlete's performance as well. It is our job to figure out why an athlete cannot achieve a specific goal or master a certain task. Let's say a group of athletes regularly does really well until the last event, last quarter, or last game and then falls apart. What is happening to cause this? It is very easy to say the kids are tired, they gave up, or they didn't want it bad enough. The blame goes to the athlete and we can rest easier knowing it is not our fault. NOT OKAY! We have to take a good long look at what is going on to cause the shift in attitude or effort. We have to look at ourselves and ask what we are possibly doing to cause to cause the unwanted behavior to repeat itself. We have to realize not every athlete or group of athletes is going to respond to the same things and we have to figure out what works. It is hard. It is a lot of trial and error, but it is worth it in the end.

Come on parents, we can do better than this! The National Federation of State High School Associations reported 80% of officials quit before their third year on the job due to verbal and sometimes physical abuse from parents. It is common to blame the officials. In sports such as gymnastics, diving, and figure skating, there are no parents yelling at or confronting the judges. It is not allowed. If a parent were to yell at or confront a judge at a gymnastics competition, the parent would be asked to leave immediately (usually by their own coach). This is not the case for most sports though. We see officials being blamed all the time on social media for professional level sporting events and sadly it carries all the way into little league. Parents and coaches need to realize officials are human too and they are going to make mistakes. When your child witnesses you questioning every call and hears you berating the officials, they learn it is okay to behave the same way. They then blame the officials for everything that goes wrong and the idea of the athlete taking responsibility for their mistakes is gone. It is okay to disagree with a call or a score, but do not make it the focal point of the sporting event. Because of the crazy behavior, there is a large shortage of officials in youth sports now thus creating the need to use younger and younger officials. They are obviously not as experienced, tend to make a few more mistakes, and then the negative cycle continues.

It seems our society has shifted to more of a "not my fault" attitude. Our youth are missing valuable lessons when they do not have to admit to wrong doing or making mistakes. In real life, some days you aren't going to get enough sleep and guess what? You will be expected to perform at your job the same as the days you do get enough sleep. You will make mistakes, own them, learn from them, and move on. "Nothing will ever change if you point the finger of blame. Out of responsibility comes possibility." (Lisa Villa Prosen)