"My Child Is a Star" Parent

I like to call this parent the "rose colored glasses" parent. They see their child's athletic abilities through a lens no one else has. These are the parents who call your program and tell you how talented their child is, how quickly they learn, how dedicated they are, and how they are not being challenged in their current program. Many parents will take this time to mention how their child has aspirations to do their sport in college. These parents often request their child train with an advanced group because they will "rise to the occasion." They believe their child is the best one on the team and expect everyone else to recognize it as well. They think their child is the next Simone Biles or Derek Jeter and they want to make sure you treat them accordingly.

As parents, we have an innate bias towards our own children. Of course I think my kids are good at whatever they do, but I know the statistics and those statistics are not in their favor for going to college on a scholarship or playing professional sports. Will I support them playing sports? Absolutely. Will I crush their dreams of playing in college? Of course not, BUT I believe it is my responsibility as a parent to be realistic. According to NCAA research, the probability of a male making it to a division one school after high school is 2.2% in baseball, 1.0% in basketball, and 2.9% in football. For girls, you have basketball at 1.3%, soccer at 2.4%, and volleyball at 1.2% As much as we would like to believe all athletes who receive a scholarship get a full ride, the reality is they make up less than 2% of the total scholarships awarded. The point is, don't count on sport providing all the financial means for your child to go to college even if they are the star you believe them to be.

The parent who has a distorted view of their child's athletic abilities is hard to please. Let's be clear, I am not saying this child is horrible at their sport. It is likely they are at about the same skill level as their teammates, but the parents cannot see this. This parent will not understand if their child is substituted out during a game or does not move up to a higher level in the time frame the parent wants. Not every athlete develops at the same rate and it is the coach's job to keep them moving in a positive direction no matter the pace. The parent will not agree with the coach's evaluation and will keep pushing the coach to do what they want instead of what the coach believes is best for the athlete. If the coach does not comply with the parent's wishes, the parent will then decide it is time to move on to a program that will recognize their child's superior abilities. This may be a relief for the coach and stressful for the parent with the athlete right in the middle.

The athlete is the one who suffers in this scenario. Word travels fast in the sports community especially about parents who cause problems in a program. Coaches will vent to each other or ask other coaches for advice on the situation and that is all it takes to get a reputation as a "crazy sports parent." The child also gets a reputation and if they have been to multiple programs, is then labeled as a team or gym hopper because the parents are not happy and never feel like their child is getting what they deserve. Sadly, the coaches are usually very supportive of them going to another program or may even suggest it because the parents are sometimes just too much to take. The athlete may become stressed due to the uncertainty of not knowing what program they will end up with next or when the change will take place. Some parents will wait until the season is over and some will move on as soon as they feel their child is being slighted. The athlete is in a constant state of wonder, will miss out on friendships that are formed in sport, and may end up resenting their parents in the long run.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to see your child upset when they don't make the team they want. My son experienced this with soccer and it broke my heart for him. There were also life lessons in that. He learned about disappointment. He learned you don't always get what you want in life. We discussed how to appropriately handle it, how to move forward, and how a team isn't just going to take you because you showed up. It is so hard to step back and really look at your child, faults and all. We need to be able to recognize our child has strengths and weaknesses and admit to them. When we are able to do that, we can then help them continue to grow their strengths, work on their weaknesses, set some goals, and achieve them.