My Coach Has a Life Too?

You will find people sometimes forget you have a life outside of coaching. It is always fun to see the reaction of an athlete if you run into them at the grocery store or a function outside of the sport. I have had parents see me at the store and ask if it is okay to come up and say hello. Of course it is! I appreciated their thoughtfulness, but I didn't want the athlete to think they could only speak to me in the gym. It was good for them to know I am a real human who does normal things. There are coaches out there who would prefer to be left alone and it is their prerogative. Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to privacy.

I loved seeing the kids out and about, but I didn't want to talk about their progress or performance at that time. We all have things outside of coaching or running a program. Parents need to realize this and coaches need to remember athletes have priorities other than sports. The respect must go both ways. It can get a little tricky sometimes. Most practices take place after school hours with games or competitions on the weekends. Some coaches work another job during the day and most parents work during the day as well. When do you actually speak to the coach if you have questions or concerns? If coaching is your full time job, you are likely more able to speak to a parent during the day, but it may not be convenient for them when they are working. Some coaches and parents are okay with information and questions being texted to them and others are not. Some coaches and parents prefer to have questions or concerns sent via email while still others prefer phone calls or in person.

So, when do you meet? Hopefully your coach has office hours or is willing to set up a time to speak with you when both parties can focus on the conversation. I did not mind setting up a quick meeting before or after practice, but I did mind when a parent sent their child over to me and said, "my mom needs to talk to you" when I was already working with other athletes. I know from a parent's perspective you are thinking, "it will only take a second so it is no big deal to interrupt" which is true for your case, but when you have multiple parents with those same thoughts, it takes away from the other athletes. One of my least favorite phrases is, "I am sorry to bother you but..." because the person knows you are currently doing something else, but still thinks their issue is more important and you should stop and focus on it. I know I have said it and I am not proud of that. (I am much more conscious of it now.) It is so easy to think in terms of your own needs and to take care of things when you are thinking about them so you don't forget. (Let's face it... remembering everything is no easy task.)

I believe with the "instant gratification" world we live in now, many people assume when they want answers, the other person should be available to immediately provide them. I have heard, "I have __ number of children and my life is very busy so I need to speak with you now" more times than I can count. Parents, know your children are important to the coaches, but understand the coaches have lives outside of sport as well. They have birthday parties, graduations, weddings, and events to attend just like you. Some have their own children to tend to as well. If I am in the middle of watching my own child play a game, I am going choose to to finish watching them before I consider answering the question. I need to be present for my own family too and there has to be balance. Some may think this is selfish and that it is part of the coach's job to attend to the parents at all times, but there have to be parameters. It took me a long time to set some rules. I can honestly say the rules were evolving because my life was also evolving. When I was single and had no kids, I was much more willing to drop everything to attend to the needs of the parents and athletes. After marriage and kids, I wasn't able to do this anymore nor did I want to take away from my time with my family.

We have all heard the phrase work life balance which is the equilibrium between personal life and career work (Wikipedia). There is a happy medium in there for everyone including the athletes. This is harder to achieve for some individuals because there is no longer the idea of going to work and being able to leave it in the office. Email and text make it hard to stay away from work obligations. Coaches, I recommend you do your best to create office hours and schedule specific times to check your emails and texts. Communicate these times with the parents so they know you are not ignoring them. Parents, try to be patient with your coaches. They have a lot of athletes and families they are working for. Respect is a mutual exchange and all will benefit if it goes both ways.