Rumor Has It

Rumor: a currently circulating story or report of uncertain or doubtful truth

We all know how rumors get started. We all pledge we do not want to be party to spreading them, yet we find ourselves right in the middle of things from time to time. Some people live for gossip and some people do not realize they are participating in it until it is too late. Either way we find ourselves involved can lead to someone getting hurt in the end. Sadly, rumors are going to be part of your coaching career as long as you choose to stay a coach. Not only will you have to deal with rumors about your athletes, your coaching, and your program, but there will likely be rumors about you personally as well. Some are downright ridiculous and others may hold a bit of truth. This is another reason you should be very careful what you post on social media and what you share about your personal life. Athletes can unintentionally set a rumor into motion if they misunderstand something you say or do and then pass it along to a friend or parent. Choose your words wisely when children are around and remember there are always little ears close by when you are at practice or a competition.

The average age for a child to get a cell phone is 10 years old (panda.securty.com). The cell phone opens the door for quick communication and for rumors to spread at a crazy rate. Parents have group chats and so do the athletes. We have had situations in our gym where kids are excluded or removed, mean things have been said, and fights get started. The same has happened with parents as well. People absolutely have the right to communicate with each other outside of practice and, as a coach, it is none of your business UNTIL it starts affecting your business then it becomes your issue as well. Athletes are going to have disagreements. They spend too much time together and the friendships become more like sibling relationships. Parents spend a lot of time together too and sharing things is natural and normal. It is great when everyone gets along and everyone is happy, but one juicy text to a group can be the end of your kumbaya crew. It is horrible when a parent starts feeling guilty over things being said in the group and they send you (the coach) a screen shot of conversations about you and/or your program. Trust is gone and you then are put in the position of confronting the parents as a group, individually, or ignoring it all together. None of these options are comfortable for anyone involved.

Gossiping tends to escalate a situation instead of making it better. It usually causes more problems and your team will be the thing that suffers in the end. Gossiping comes in many shapes and sizes. It can be someone venting to someone else. It can be someone trying to gather information about a situation they don't want to talk to the coach about. And then there is always the possibility the person doesn't like someone and wants to hurt them or their athlete on purpose. A sad truth is as coaches, we know which parents to pass information along to if we want the word to get out about something.

Parents, the best way to deal with a situation you have a concern about is always to go to the coach. If it is a problem with another parent or athlete and you do not feel comfortable confronting them personally, the coach can help you figure out the best way to handle the situation. If it is a problem with the coach and what they are or are not doing, go directly to the source. They are the only one who can answer the question or address the issue at hand. Believing someone other than the source will only lead to resentment and frustration for all parties. Coaches, the best way to avoid rumors is to communicate with your parents about what is going on with your program, your plans, and if you are concerned about anything. If there is an issue among a team or group, talk to them, and then tell the parents what was addressed and how. A lot of craziness can be avoided if you just put the information out there.

All this being said, not all gossip is negative and when positive things are spread about you or your team it can help your program grow. Those same people who like to discuss what is going on with everyone else will be your greatest advocate and your biggest cheerleader to anyone who wants to listen if they are happy being part of your program. People are encouraged to spread those rumors. This is why there are so many referral discount programs out there.

Let's admit it, we are probably all guilty of spreading positive and negative gossip about others. Psychologists will tell you it is a means of learning who your friends are and who you can trust (Lisa Feldman Barrett, Ph.D). Just be conscious of your intentions and decide if what you are saying is out of genuine concern or if it can cause hurt. It is how we handle the information we are given that is so important... it can make or break a team.