What? Your Kids Don't Do Gymnastics?

One of the most common questions I am asked is, "What sports do your kids play?" I answer truthfully by saying football, softball, wresting, basketball, and at one time soccer. The next question is ALWAYS, "Your kids don't do gymnastics?" NOPE. Sure they took a little mommy and me class when they were 2 years old to help with their gross motor skills, but nothing beyond that. They didn't like it, I didn't force it, and I did not take it personal. People are stunned when I initially say no and then they ask why I didn't push them to stay in the sport. My answer is always the same. Gymnastics was my sport. It was the sport I chose. I was allowed to choose and my children will get that same opportunity. Just because I love a sport does not mean they have to love it too. I mean, how miserable it must be for a child to be forced to play a sport they may or may not like while at the same time being compared to their parent's athletic accomplishments all the time. I think it would be a challenge at best for the athlete and the parent.

I love that my kids play sports I know very little about. Sure, I know the rules of the games, but I cannot look at my son on the offensive line and tell him, "you need to _______ more" or tell my daughter what she needs to fix on her softball swing because I have no idea. At the end of the day I can look at my kids and tell them how proud of them I am and how much I love cheering for them. I don't want to correct their technique and I don't want tell them something different than their coach is telling them. There is no need to fill their head with more information that may only confuse them. More than anything, I want them each to find their sport. The sport they love and the sport they feel passionate about. Me forcing them to play something I love instead of what they love is only going to cause them to resent me and make it very difficult for the coach having to deal with them. All coaches know it is a struggle to work with an athlete who does not want to be there. The athlete typically causes problems during practice by not paying attention, not putting forth the effort, and by having a bad attitude. It is frustrating to try and work with someone who does not want to be worked with.

Every child is their own person with their own genetic make up. Let's say you were a phenomenal soccer player in your youth. Fantastic! It does not mean your child is going to be that same caliber of player nor does it mean he/she will have the same desire to play as you did. Remember your sports career is over. It is time for your child to experience their own career. Allow them to make a name for themself. They do not always need to live in your shadow. A shadow is a dark place and very little grows in the shadows. Enjoy your successes and remember them fondly. Hopefully your child will have some of their own successes to look back on someday. Try to remember their sports performance is not a reflection on your career as an athlete or on you as a parent.

Parents tend to put more pressure on their kids when their child plays the same sport they did as a youth athlete. The "been there/done that" attitude tends to turn into "It's not that hard. I did it." These parents often spend hours at home working on drills or studying video with their child. They spend a lot of time saying things like, "when I played" or "we did it this way." Depending on the child's personality they will get tired of hearing old war stories and want to quit or do everything they can to surpass their parent's achievements. Some will believe there is no way they will ever be as good as mom or dad and just give up. I don't know about every parent, but I want my kids to be a million times the athlete I was. A million times the person I am.

I was relieved when my daughter decided gymnastics was not the sport for her. Why? Because I did not know what gym I would send her to for training. Yes, I owned my own gym. Yes, I was fully capable of coaching her. No, I did not want to be both the parent and the coach. I believe coaching your own child is one of the hardest balancing acts in all of sports. It can make or break a parent/child relationship.

Many studies have been done on this topic and it is not an easy one. Coaching your own child can lead to problems at home and in sport. A parent may become upset if their child makes a costly error or misses an easy bucket and it ends up the topic at the dinner table. Or the child may be upset because they felt the parent was picking on them all during practice and then won't speak to them at home. The child may be left out of team social activities due to other athletes thinking what they say will go directly back to the coach. There will always be the teammate or parent who feels you are giving special treatment to your own child causing their child to be slighted in some way. On the flip side, you may go overboard being hard on your child so you are not seen as showing favoritism.

The most difficult part of coaching your own child is being able to separate the coach and parent roles. When you are coaching, you have to be a coach only and when you are parenting, you have to be a parent only. It will get clouded for you and your child if there is not clear separation. On some levels a child has to be able to stay in the athlete role and the child role as well. It is especially hard for a child to be able to separate themselves like this so more of the responsibility falls on the parent. From personal experience, it is difficult to accept critical coaching from your coach/parent without taking it to heart because it is your parent saying the words. It does not matter how hard you try, it still seems personal. When you have a competition or a bad game, the only think you want from your parent is support. You do not want to hear about all of your mistakes or how you embarrassed them by your level of play. You simply want a hug and your parent to say, "everyone has a bad day once in a while."

If you were passionate about a sport as a child you want your child to experience that same feeling. It gives you something to bond over. You want to guide them and teach them. You want to foster that love of the game. It can be an amazing experience for everyone involved if your child shares that passion and desire. If your child wants to go down a different path, you can always guide and teach them in other ways. You can still encourage them and support them along the way. Everyone deserves their own journey, and it is always nice to have people to share it with.